<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>the view from this window by AnxietyAvocado</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25113694">the view from this window</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxietyAvocado/pseuds/AnxietyAvocado'>AnxietyAvocado</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:36:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>828</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25113694</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxietyAvocado/pseuds/AnxietyAvocado</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED 2X14 GO WATCH IT FIRST! Spoilers, as this is based on a scene from that episode.</p><p>the view from the classroom window isn't what kyo expected</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Honda Tohru/Sohma Kyou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>75</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the view from this window</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His isolation was still months away. Nearly a whole year, actually. Rationally, Kyo knows that, but he can't help but feel the edges of his world crowding in on him, shadows tugging at the peripherals of his vision. Every day they inch closer, every day is a day closer to a time when all he'll see is shadows. </p><p>Shadows, and Akito, when God wants to torture him. </p><p>Anyone else, he knew, would be out in the world, living until the last moment, taking in everything they could, drinking in the sights and the sounds and the smells... But wouldn't that be more painful later? Wouldn't it only serve as a more poignant reminder of what he would be missing?</p><p>Maybe that was why he was sitting in this empty classroom during lunch, sweltering in the heat as the sun beat down upon him through the windows. Or maybe he was just too morose and listless and <em>tired </em>in his very soul to do anything but exist silently, hardly breathing and hardly living, in this moment. </p><p><em>Liar</em>. </p><p>The realization was there and then gone in a flash, quicker than people think they can process information, but isn't that how it happens? You think of something so impossibly fast, like the entire thought just appears there as a vision, a moment of clarity, and then it's gone and you want to push it away and leave those thoughts for another time. </p><p>Kyo was here because Tohru was out there. And no matter how much he wanted to be out there with her, enjoying the sunshine and the breeze and the birds singing, sitting in the soft grass or under the shade of a tree, there was no point. It would only hurt him later, so why not start confining himself now? A little pain now was surely worth a more comfortable confinement for the rest of his life. At least, that was how he rationalized it. It was how he told himself that he didn't need any more lunches full of laughter and Tohru's cooking, that he didn't need to see how lovingly everyone looked at her, and how she cared for each of them in turn, as if they were family. That thought burned him, he wanted to be more than that, but that was so selfish of him, he couldn't think it without feeling the stab of guilt. He wanted to be next to her so badly that he jerked in his seat, his body involuntarily moving as if to get up and rush out of the classroom to join her. But he forced his body and his mind to be still. It was good practice, after all.</p><p>The truth, elusive and quiet as it was, was that Kyo could hardly look at Tohru in those moments without his heart exploding. If he had a purpose, if he had something to say or do, it was different. He could focus on that action and on what was happening in front of him, but there were no moments like that during lunchtimes or quiet afternoons or gloomy Sunday mornings. It seemed like those quiet moments were filled with nothing but heartbreak and despair as he looked at the girl he loved and realized that there was nothing he could do about it - his love for her, or the situation he was in. He had nothing to give her, nothing that wouldn't bring her more pain than he already had at least. </p><p>And so, if he didn't have something to say to her that was relevant in that moment, he didn't speak. If he wasn't forced to look at her, he didn't. If he didn't have to be in the same room, in the same house, in the same <em>building</em>, he wasn't. Being away from her was painful, like smoke filling up his lungs until he could hardly breathe, but being near her was like standing in the middle of a bonfire - all consuming, searing his soul, bringing so much light and heat into his life that it was painful. </p><p>That heat, he knew, wouldn't keep him warm later. It would just serve to enforce how cold his prison really would be. </p><p>So he sat there, in that classroom, staring out the window as the girl who held his heart walked across a courtyard. And for a few moments, even in the heat of the sunshine, Kyo was so cold that he was sure he was frozen in place. He had never understood that stupid line from Romeo and Juliet until now, "she is the sun". But he finally understood. Tohru was the sun in his life, and without it, all life withered and died. Everything was left cold and dark and lonely. As he watched his sun walk away, he shivered slightly, even in the heat of the afternoon. </p><p>There were so many more days of summer left, but for Kyo, it felt as though winter had already arrived. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>comments, kudos, shares, and the like are encouraged! feedback is love, after all.</p><p>i'm akitoes on tumblr, if you want more kyo and specifically kyoru angst</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>